Merkin had been something of a golden child as he grew up, being the one that finally reached the true ugly potential. Though all he wants to do is settle down and start a family of his own, the family elders insist he go to college. The Ughburgh service pool has turned up disappointingly male and/or attractive.
Thus, Merkin packs his bags and heads for La Fiesta Tech. Sadly, Merkin soon realizes he should have gone to Sim State U, home of the Mutants. Every girl that moves into his dorm is either totally hot or just has some small flaw, such as LaShonda Carr and her hooked nose or Rosemarie Something-that-needs-more-consonants whose eyes are just really close together. Not one of them is good enough to bring home to his family, not after how hard they tried to get someone as ugly as him. Even his cousin D’argo can’t help – all the chicks in his dorm are hot too (not that D’argo cares being a romance Sim whose first kiss was with Orlando Centowksi)
Merkin spends most of his time scouring the campus hot spots hoping to find that girl of his dreams. The best he can do is Sophie Punkchick who has a slightly pushed in nose and wide lips. Sophie is very attracted to Merkin, but he can’t be too hasty. Every time he and Sophie kiss he can imagine his mother hissing “Too PRETTY!” in his ears
After barely passing his Freshman year due to all the time he spends carousing, Merkin is growing desperate. He hates school, all he wants is to have six children happily married and all La Fiesta Tech is doing is wasting his time and mocking him with its cute co-eds. In the end, he drops out and moves back home. He invites Sophie to move in, thinking at least she’ll have her degree but to his horror he discovers she was never actually enrolled in school – she just liked to hang out there. Merkin is crushed and to make it worse he has a vision from god that he is never having those six kids.
The elders of the family are disappointed that Merkin couldn’t do any better, but since they’re all so blissful in their old age they decide to make the best of it. Sophie becomes pregnant almost immediately and spends her maternity leave being trained by Gabria so she can become a business tycoon.
Little Maerie Amley Fugleigh arrives conveniently at 4:30PM. Crespin, Merkin and Carmen immediately start scouring their address books for just the right suitor. Top contenders are old standby Juan McCullogh, the Copur brothers Connor (the mailman) and Leo (the mild UDIT from Merkin’s dorm days) and some bowl cutted guy named Andrzej Deppiesse, who sports a promising wide featured white face.
