Stephelys showed early promise as a child with her squinty eyes and slightly protruding jaw. There was a brief scare when she turned into a teen and had a bit of Goth Princess good looks going on, but she recovered well upon entering her young adulthood. Her eyes took on a far more desired “stoner” look and her lips got even fuller. The coup de grace came when as an adult, she became a delightful melange of her mother’s squinched up eyes and her father’s duck bill profile. Combine that with a name that sounds like a venereal disease and you’ve got an offspring the ancestors would be proud of.

Honorable mention: Slaedina Fugleigh.: Daughter of Reumah Pugsley Fugliegh and Richriel Fugleigh

Slaedina’s wide, flat nose caused a quiver of excitement in the family when she twirled into a child, but unfortunately it was all uphill from there. When she became a teen, her nose thinned out a bit though everyone still held out hope for her oddly elongated face. But perhaps the early “pretty scare” from Stephelys made them see things where they didn’t really exist because when Slaedina became a young adult she looked…okay. Perhaps a little plain, but nothing “special”. Adulthood proved to only enhance that and Slaedina was actually *gasp* very attractive in profile. The worst that could be said about her was her face was rather long, but the battle was lost.

Just for Reference

Richriel’s Pedigree:

Acheron Fughliegh + Sandy Bruty = Bacheek
Bacheek Fughliegh + Christy Stratton = Asinette
Asinette Fughliegh + Ramin Centowski = Gabria
Gabria Fughliegh + Pearface Sheldon = D’argo
D’argo Fugliegh + Maerie Fugliegh * = Richriel

* Maerie was descended from Merkin Fughliegh and his first wife Sophie Somethingorother

Angarina’s Pedigree:

Acheron Fughliegh + Sandy Bruty = Bacheek
Bacheek Fughliegh + Christy Stratton = Asinette **
Asinette Fughliegh + Ramin Centowski = Crespin
Crespin Fughliegh + Carmen Patch = Merkin
Merkin Fughliegh + Rosemarie Somethingrussian = Angarina

** I believe this is where the cheekbones of doom came from

Angarina comes home and greets Pildash warmly, but he doesn’t hit any of her hot spots. So she chugs a little elixir and imagines herself very attracted to his red hair. It works and the two head off for a date of their own. It goes AMAZINGLY well, the two are groping on the dance floor before their dinners have even settled. In fact, the date goes so well that Angarina sneaks onto her own doorstep and leaves a love note for Pildash. Pildash, who just wants to date and WooHoo anyone, is perfectly willing to feign undying love. The two have a marathon 6 back to back WooHoo sessions before they finally hear the baby chimes.

Meanwhile, despite their slower start, Richriel and Reumah are totally in love with each other and consummate the match in the hot tub (since the only double bed in the house is occupied) They too have to try a couple times, but finally a success.

Things plod along joylessly at the Fugleigh household (that, incidentally, is now a new lot thanks to the old lot crashing after the NLupgrade), with the exception of über happy man ho D’argo. His job is to maintain all his cheap affairs just high enough to keep the phone from ringing off the hook and fulfill the friend quota for Maerie’s jobs. Speaking of Maerie, she gets demoted again and must switch to yet another lab to get back up to Inventor. She is no closer to mad scientist that before.


Angarina goes off to college. Merkin ages into an even uglier elder, if that’s humanly possible and god once again laments his lack of DNA passing. Despite being a miserable sot who can’t ever use the thinking cap, he does come in handy with his high skills. The downside is, he gets up really early so poor Richriel is usually pretty tired come dawn and one day decides to take a quick catnap before the bus comes. In the ensuing morning rush, he forgets to wake up and loses a grade for skipping school. The family is then reminded all weekend that Richriel is a total screw up and that the social working will be banging down their door any moment. The bad grades also keep Richriel out of private school when the headmaster comes a calling.

Merkin takes a huge hit at work one day and loses two logic points, so he retires rather than risk any more loss. Dagan and MacKennabella skill all the livelong day. Richriel gets into private school the day before his birthday, and as is in celebration ages into an odd looking Knowledge teen. But it’s to get even better because when he arrives at college, he sprouts a set of cheekbones that makes his mother look like a moon face.

The new House of Fug

Merkin smoothes things over with Rosemarie and invites her to move in. She’s a romance Sim, of course. That doesn’t stop Merkin from immediately impregnating her and forcing her to marry him so the child can have his last name. Little Angarina enters the world and her mother promptly goes off the deep end. Not really having the time to deal with a crazy wife, Merkin sends her packing to a nice little condo on the other side of town. He has Shannon, newly graduated from college, move in along with her to make sure she’s settled.

Meanwhile, Maerie has been struggling her way up the Science career ladder hoping to someday be a mad scientist. Not helping matters is the fact that Merkin, despite the whole D’argo/Maerie thing being his idea in the first place is righteous in his indignation that D’argo would cheat on Shannon. The stupid, ugly son of a bitch can’t even manage to bathe poor stinking Angarina because that would mean walking by Maerie and D’argo’s and bed and he simply MUST drop the toddler and pitch a fit.

Gabria falls in love with Maerie, just because things weren’t interesting enough (and because God forgot the fingerprint canner of luuuurve). Jealousy is avoided since Gabria has a night job at the medical center and it looks as if she may shuffle off the mortal coil being none the wiser to Maerie’s “infidelity”. Oh but that would be too easy! On the very evening of her departure, she times her entrance from work *just* as the fireworks fade out from Maerie and D’argo’s latest babydance. And of course, this one is successful, I guess all Maerie needed all along was a beat down by Gabria.

Gabria dies and Shannon moves back home, suspiciously vomiting. Angarina growns into a 8/9/5/4/7 child with a promising frying pan flattened face. D’argo reaches lifetime bliss after banging Jan Tellerman at the mall. Merkin is still a miserable asshole, now he’s just an old miserable asshole. Still, he does enjoy teaching Angarina.

Maerie gives birth to Richriel just as Shannon begins to pooch out. Hrm…I wonder how that happened. D’argo isn’t talking, he spends most of his days glued to the cell phone. A day before Richriel is set to become a toddler Shannon goes into labor in the bathroom and has TWINS. Boy Dagan and Girl MacKenabella. And conveniently she has them first thing in the morning when everyone else in the house bolts for work leaving poor, ho bag D’argo home with three infants.

The next few days pass in a insane haze and the contractors are quickly called in to convert the dining room into a nursery. There is a plethora of stomping and whining, dirty bottles pile up all over the house. Shannon finally hires a maid who turns out to be lazy ass Remington. He can’t keep up with the bottles let alone the bathrooms. Richriel is now a toddler with a kick ass personality 8/8/6/3/10 and a rather high forehead.

Dagan and MacKenabella are less inspiring. When their interminably long infanthood ends they grow into toddlers with personalities of 9/3/6/4/6 and 2/7/8/2/6 respectively. Neither Shannon nor Maerie are anywhere close to their lifetime goals because of the endless round of childcare. It is something of a godsend when Angarina becomes a teen who sports Merkin’s odd “double-bubble” cheekbones. Her nose is a flat throwback to ancestor Ramin (with whom she shares no blood). Richriel ends up a potential disappointment when he ages into a damn cute cafe au lait child.

D’argo, tired of being the one left home with the kids every day, finally gets a job in Natural Science. He is working towards some unspoken goal that, he whipsers, will fix Merkin for good.

D’Argo makes short work of seducing his professor Margaret Howe and makes Dean’s List. In fact that semester would turn out to be the last time D’Argo ever did an assignment, or anything besides show up for class. Eventually the relationship between him and Shannon grows, and he adds another love to his list. He’s just warming up though, because his goal is 20.

Shannon has to work a little harder for her grades. She knows that the better her grades, the more scholarship cash she’ll get. She is always eager to do an assignment, or a term paper and always wants to be on Dean’s List. She’s grateful that D’Argo is such a nice guy that he’s willing to entertain her sisters while she studies so hard. He even took Kelly and Gretchen (separately) to the Mirage Shopping Center to help her pick out some new clothes. He’s such an awesome boyfriend! Of course it was kind of weird that he never seemed to come with any packages, but she figured it was because he was saving his money for their future.

In the middle of his sophomore year, D’Argo started to reflect on his goals in life. Was being a Man Ho really the path he wanted to choose? Should he find a nobler pursuit such as saving lives? Nah, he though to himself, the booty was just too sweet. His extra curricular activities kept him so busy (Shannon had another sister not to mention first love Randy London starting college) that he was still an undecided major in his Junior year. The Registrar chose Philosophy and new Professor Lindsay Platz was a more than willing recipient of D’Argo’s affection. He later sealed the deal on his degree with honors by trysting with her in his favorite changing room right before his final exam.

Meanwhile, back at the Fugliegh Estate, Carmen’s ghost somehow slipped through the moat. She haunted Merkin, railing about how her mutant DNA was being wasted – WASTED! Merkin was a complete wreck, passing out from exhaustion on the bathroom floor and talking to invisible bunnies. When D’Argo moved home Merkin decided to spring into action. He called Maerie and demanded she drop out of college immediately. Shannon may be his daughter but she wasn’t blood – his perfect fug could not die with him! With Shannon at school for another semester, Maerie could hook up with D’Argo and give Merkin another shot at being the savior of the Fugliegh dream!

He was still very close friends with squinty eyed Rosemarie Somethingrussian, in fact he had a bit of a crush on her. He invited her over to perhaps push that relationship over the edge. Rosemarie seemed receptive, greeting Merkin with a kiss and a romantic hug. Unfortunately, Merkin’s desperation made him move too quickly and he abruptly asked Rosemarie to move in with him. Immediately he realized his blunder and threw a scottgainesian hissy fit over his stupidity. Rosemarie was completely turned off and went home.

Then came the twist of the knife. His adopted daughter Shannon reached her birthday and became a heavy browed, Simian teen, a nearly perfect miniature of his mother Carmen. Could his life get any worse? Merkin’s time was ticking away, and while he knew he could sire children into his elderhood he wasn’t sure he could survive the heartache.

Then his aunt Gabria had a fabulous idea. Perhaps Shannon could go to college and share an apartment with her son D’Argo. It’s not as if they were actually related, she pointed out, in fact D’Argo had never even lived in the same house as Shannon before, so surely there would be no impropriety if they should happen to get together. Secretly, Gabria was hoping this would mean her redemption as heir provider for the family.

So Shannon, who longed to be Captain Hero someday, was packed off to La Fiesta Tech and moved into a modest home off campus with her “cousin” D’Argo. Given that D’Argo was a bisexual romance Sim this could prove to be interesting.

Fionnuala warmed a little toward Rance’s increasingly unseemly nose, but shortly thereafter she gave birth to her fourth child, a son named Chesed with blue eyes and cocoa skin. Chesed, a 10/8/8/5/3 mean neat freak, held little hope for Fionnuala, as he grew into his toddler years an attractive dark-skinned child (which convinced Ray that his understanding of genetics must have been faulty), and Fionnuala fell into a despair. This would never do.

Still, the Pugsley house was full to capacity, what with Carmen and Michaiah still in the midst of their golden years, so Fionnuala put off taking another try for her perfect baby. In the meantime, she started chatting up mailman Pao Mellon to pass the time. Luckily the demands on her time from the kids had lessened a little since three of them were now children, and Carmen, having finally achieved her dream job as a Mad Scientist, was so high on life that she was able to put in lots of time watching toddler Chesed. Algurt, the neglected oldest child, found himself becoming a teen in this house full of chaos and was on the horn at once trying to get early admission to Sim State.

His love of learning convinced them that he should hop in a taxi and come on down right away, so Algurt bade the frazzled Pugsleys farewell and went off to his new life as a disturbingly attractive young adult.

It was when Chesed became a child who was probably the cutest kid in Kensington that Fionnuala took another trip to the mall, this time to catch up with beau Venkat.

In a stroke of luck, Fionnuala managed to lure the unsuspecting Venkat into the changing room with an offer he couldn’t resist, and they both left satisfied. In short order Fionnuala was back at home twirling into maternity clothes. Rance and Reumah ended their reign of being underfoot by growing up and joining Algurt at college, just in time for Fionnuala to welcome daughter Vanina.

The household was well into the routine by now, and Vanina was taught to walk, talk, and use the potty within hours of her growing into a black-haired, blue-eyed 6/3/6/4/9 toddler.

Lest her youth slip away from her before her desired goal, Fionnuala had wasted no time after Vanina’s birth in phoning Pao to come over for some afternoon recreation. With her declining fertility–not to mention Pao’s advancing age, what with him having slept with her grandmother and all–it took several romps before Fionnuala was sure the job was done, and unfortunately the pair had just irrevocably committed to the last of these when Ray got out of the carpool car after his day at work as a fashion photographer. Ray was only mildly hurt–maybe he was more aware of Fionnuala’s secret life than she thought. After his initial urge to slap Fionnuala had subsided, he decided a game of punch you, punch me was good enough, and maybe he’d just take a couple of extra-hard jabs.

In the midst of all this family fun, Chesed, who was basically raising himself, finally reached his teen years. He went from a cute kid to…hey, kind of an eyesore of a teen! It finally became clear that he’d inherited both his father’s bulbous, crooked nose (additionally blessed with the width of Fionnuala’s) and his protruding chin. Suddenly Fionnuala saw a ray of hope for the Pugsley family line!

However, Chesed, who wanted nothing to do with it, decided that he’d rather bury himself in books and took off promptly for Sim State.

As Fionnuala’s fifth pregnancy progressed, it became clear that this might be the last of her offspring that her parents would live to see. At least one of them, anyway–they both seemed to be aging at exactly the same rate, but you know how elders can be with that sudden burst of widow vigor. Hoping against hope that it wouldn’t be the case, Fionnuala was inviting over old flame Clay Nanale within minutes of delivering baby Pildash. Now that Ray was already disillusioned, nobody really cared when Clay came over for an extended visit involving long stays in the bedroom and walking around the house in his boxer shorts. Fionnuala had to make sure she got her romantic activities out of the way early, as today was to be Vanina’s birthday and, she had a suspicion, the last day for one of her parents.

When the clock struck six, as she had feared, Michaiah stopped suddenly in the hallway–in front of the Bathroom of Death, his crucial mistake–and was greeted by a cold whoosh of air and the strains of a hula song…aloha oe, aloha oe… Everyone (including Clay, in his boxers) rushed over to weep as Michaiah grabbed his suitcase and made his final exit. His urn was whisked off to the graveyard before it had fully come to rest on the floor.

On the bright side, Vanina could now have her birthday free and clear. However, the little tyke was so tired that her attempts to start the birthday celebration were repeatedly thwarted by the entire family putting her in her crib. Finally Vanina conceded to sleep for a couple of hours to satisfy the adults and *then* grow up. After some time had passed and Vanina was a little better rested, Carmen was sent upstairs to get her out of her crib for the big event. Fionnuala would have done it, but the activities of the day and her near-constant state of pregnancy ensured that, as usual, she was close to starvation, and so she decided to make pork chops instead. Luckily Ray was handy to take care of the wailing Pildash, who had been left unceremoniously in front of the couch while waiting for Vanina to vacate the crib.

After some pathfinding adventures into the cramped nursery, Carmen picks up Vanina and sets her gently on the floor. Finally! Vanina stands up, ready to twirl but waiting patiently for the rest of her family to gather round. Then she notices…Carmen is staring a little TOO vacantly. The toddler bursts into tears as hula dancers crowd in all around her and the quiet music begins to play: aloha oe, aloha oe, beepbeepbeepbeep, REEErrrrrrREEErrrrrr…wait a minute…downstairs, Fionnuala and Ray are leaping around in a panic as the stove explodes into flame! But wait, the hula! Pan upstairs…the Grim Reaper floats into the room and a lei pops onto his neck…

Carmen starts snapping her fingers, waiting for him to cut to the chase, and Vanina, sensing a pause in the action, takes the opportunity to twirl into a child, checks herself out with a huge grin, and resumes weeping.

The Reaper produces an umbrella drink for Carmen just as a rushing sound from downstairs indicates that a firefighter is on the scene! Pan back to the kitchen…the fire is out, but Fionnuala is seconds from death as she’s divinely ordered to ignore the drama upstairs and haul the carbonized pork chops out of the oven! With not a hunger point to spare–but perhaps saved by the Reaper being otherwise occupied–Fionnuala drags herself back from the brink just as her mother is picking up her suitcase and fading out, though not before the firefighter sprints upstairs, trots into the middle of the funeral chaos, and waves at Carmen with a cheerful “sing soong!”

Happy birthday Vanina!

When Andrew arrived, Fionnuala had to make herself take it slow, let him have a bite to eat and some entertainment to put him at ease before she popped the question. Finally she did it–she asked Andrew to move into the Pugsley house. He happily agreed. His new status made him look suddenly older, and he traded his hippie poncho ensemble for some tight black pants and a beautifully appropriate stained wifebeater tee.

He was a picture of perfection, and a Romance Sim to boot! Fionnuala couldn’t believe her good fortune at being the lucky one to scoop such a prize out of the Kensington gene pool. She embraced Andrew and led him into the downstairs bedroom for some welcome-home action.

The next day Fionnuala asked Andrew if he would make her, if not the happiest Sim in the world, at least fairly perky by accepting her proposal of engagement. Andrew put on what was obviously a big fake smile and accepted with the most convincing joy he could muster. Perhaps he’d seen Fionnuala stopping in the bathroom to hurl before making her big announcement. At any rate, the couple tied the knot under the family wedding arch shortly thereafter, just in time for Fionnuala to take off time from her job as a Rogue Botanist to await the couple’s first baby.

Andrew got himself out of the way by getting a job in his dream Slacker career. That gave him more than just his delightfully thuggish looks in common with his new father-in-law, and the two of them became buddies quickly. They could have passed for old college chums if not for Michaiah’s advancing age–he and Carmen entered their elder years in grand fashion, not disappointing in the least with the ugly countenances they managed to maintain even into their golden years. Fionnuala muttered her jealous disappointment.

As Fionnuala’s belly grew, she puttered around the Puglsey estate while Andrew slept in before schlepping off to his gig as a projectionist. Finally alone in the house, she picked up the phone and dialed Ray Shaw’s number. Ray accepted her invitation for a visit and came right over.

Hardly even noticing her roundness, Ray hugged Fionnuala, and it was as if they had never been separated. “Listen,” she told him as they broke apart. “I’ve never told you the real truth. I’m actually an undercover operative in the Sim Intelligence Agency. I know, it’s a shock, but it’s only because I love you so much that I’m breaking my cover to tell you the truth. The life I have here is all an incredibly realistic farce designed to infiltrate an international llama-smuggling ring. No one can know! But I still want to be with you when it’s all over. Please say you’ll move in with me and wait. And you have to play along with Andrew and the others, pretending he’s my real husband, or we could all be in danger!” Ray took the whole story in and embraced her. “Of course, my love. You and I could never be kept apart. I’ll move in today.”

When Andrew came home from work, Fionnuala greeted him at the door. “Honey, do you remember Ray, from State? Shhh, keep your voice down. He’s had some hard times, sweetie. I think he may be having a breakdown–he seems kind of delusional. As a friend, I can’t let him wander around with nowhere to stay, can I? I’ve let him crash here for a while. Please don’t make too big a deal over it. It’s only until he can find a good facility.” Andrew grunted and shrugged, pushing past Fionnuala to have a bowl of chili. Fionnuala smiled enigmatically.

Soon thereafter, Fionnuala gave birth to a son she named Algurt.

Algurt had Fionnuala’s black hair and Carmen’s green eyes; Fionnuala hoped he would prove to have plenty of Andrew’s features as well. Ray, who loved kids, was quite taken with the youngster and took every opportunity to care for him. “I’ll just be downstairs, feeding your SON–the son you and your HUSBAND ANDREW had together,” he’d say to Fionnuala, talking a little too loudly and following up with a less-than-subtle wink. Andrew didn’t seem to notice, as he filled his time playing chess with Michaiah and going to work. In fact, it was while he was at work one night that Fionnuala pulled Ray into her bedroom and, whispering something muffled and hurried about having disabled the bugs and the secret cameras just for tonight blah blah blah, jumped under the covers with him.

Andrew didn’t seem to think much of Ray sleeping in his bed when he got home. Fionnuala pointed at him, made a “crazy” gesture, and shrugged, and Andrew gruffly headed off to play chess. Fionnuala, meanwhile, headed off to throw up. Ray, upon rising, decided to keep himself busy–and put his economics degree to good use–as an artist, just to get out of the house a bit and keep out of the way of the intrigue and espionage. While no one was paying attention, Fionnuala snuck the cowplant she’d brought home from work into a secluded, walled-off, heavily-treed area in the back of the Pugsley lot.

“Honey, I heard they’re giving away free cake samples out in the yard,” Fionnuala remarked to her husband the next morning. Andrew, who realized he was feeling rather peckish, gave a grunt of approval and headed out the back door.

Fionnuala busied herself with some chores, hoping that no one would notice when Andrew just didn’t happen to show up again. In fact, no one did. Ray kept mentioning that he hoped he could be Andrew’s friend, and Michaiah still talked about hoping the two of them would become best buddies. The only one who seemed to notice Andrew’s absence was Algurt, who had never really interacted with his father at all, but missed him just the same. Eventually everyone sort of mused about how it would be nice to resurrect Andrew, wherever he might have gone, and there was some talk about a fear of seeing him as a zombie, but no one actually remembered his death, so it was all very vague. All the better for Fionnuala’s explanation to Ray, however, who was thrilled that the llama-smuggling investigation had moved on to a new phase and that he and Fionnuala could be more open about their relationship.

It was hard not to be open when Fionnuala’s waist began to expand again. Chaos ensued when Fionnuala finally gave birth to daughter Reumah…AND son Rance before Algurt was even out of diapers. After long, grueling days of everyone being on the brink of collapse while they juggled two infants and a toddler among two cribs, Algurt finally got old enough to move into a bed and relinquished the cribs to the twins. The siblings couldn’t have been more different–Algurt was a 5/7/5/8/8 young man with black hair and green eyes, while his 6/9/2/10/6 sister Reumah had black hair and blue eyes and his 10/4/6/4/6 brother Rance surprised everyone with red hair and green eyes, thus letting out Ray’s little secret that he was not, in fact, a natural brunette.

However, even at their tender ages, it appeared that all of Fionnuala’s children had the Pugsleys’ flat features and broad face, despite the contribution to the twins of Ray’s giant dagger of a nose. Fionnuala tried to hide her disappointment at her children’s resemblance to her, but Ray didn’t seem to notice anything at all–he was in heaven just having the babies around, and not the kind of heaven that Andrew was in, either.

Like Fionnuala, Ray dreamed of having six grandchildren someday, an arbitrary number that seemed to satisfy them both. He also started to hint that, since Andrew hadn’t turned up for a while, he’d like to marry Fionnuala. Ray was so into the kids that Fionnuala was game for the idea as well, but looking at her as-of-yet fairly unhideous offspring, she didn’t think having more babies with Ray was the way to go. She wanted to try again, though, and again, even if it took ten children to find one that could carry on the Pugsley name with dignity.

To that end, Fionnuala mentioned to her good college friend Colby Nott as they chatted on the phone one day that she was about to head out to the boutique to shop for some clothes. “Why, I was going to be up that way myself, I’ll meet you there,” he replied. After a joyful reunion with Colby in the store’s changing booth, Fionnuala had a beautiful, inspiring realization. She didn’t have to wait for Colby to finish college and move back to Kensington to take advantage of his glorious DNA–thanks to some lax security at the fitting rooms, she could have it RIGHT NOW, without Colby even knowing about it! Fionnuala was thrilled, so thrilled that she asked Colby back into the changing room again and again until she knew she’d gotten what she came for. Ahem.

Meanwhile, things in the Pugsley house had gone from bad to worse. Fergal had taken to haunting almost every night, and while the rest of the Pugsley ghosts had always been benign, Fergal was a phantasmic asshole who enjoyed scaring the crap out of everyone, even young Algurt. The fact that he spent the rest of his time floating around making beds was no comfort. Each time he scared one of the Pugsleys, already near bottom from the exhaustion of caring for the kids, it threatened to be their last scare. Although the family would miss having Kaebrianl wafting through cleaning tubs in the night, they decided to call a contractor first thing in the morning to moat off the graveyard. After a long night of everyone in the house trying to take the twins to bed when they were both in greater danger of starving than falling asleep, even though God told them to leave the goddamn kids in their goddamn high chairs for a few seconds so they could fucking eat something before Social Services came banging down the front door (or, in Pugsley visitor tradition, banging down the back door and then getting inexplicably lost on the lot), God was just about ready to smite them all. Would the addition of Fionnuala’s impending fourth baby be the final nail in the coffin for the Pugsleys? Or would they all get marched into a ladderless pool first?

Merkin spends most of his time scouring the campus hot spots hoping to find that girl of his dreams. The best he can do is Sophie Punkchick who has a slightly pushed in nose and wide lips. Sophie is very attracted to Merkin, but he can’t be too hasty. Every time he and Sophie kiss he can imagine his mother hissing “Too PRETTY!” in his ears

After barely passing his Freshman year due to all the time he spends carousing, Merkin is growing desperate. He hates school, all he wants is to have six children happily married and all La Fiesta Tech is doing is wasting his time and mocking him with its cute co-eds. In the end, he drops out and moves back home. He invites Sophie to move in, thinking at least she’ll have her degree but to his horror he discovers she was never actually enrolled in school – she just liked to hang out there. Merkin is crushed and to make it worse he has a vision from god that he is never having those six kids.

The elders of the family are disappointed that Merkin couldn’t do any better, but since they’re all so blissful in their old age they decide to make the best of it. Sophie becomes pregnant almost immediately and spends her maternity leave being trained by Gabria so she can become a business tycoon.

Little Maerie Amley Fugleigh arrives conveniently at 4:30PM. Crespin, Merkin and Carmen immediately start scouring their address books for just the right suitor. Top contenders are old standby Juan McCullogh, the Copur brothers Connor (the mailman) and Leo (the mild UDIT from Merkin’s dorm days) and some bowl cutted guy named Andrzej Deppiesse, who sports a promising wide featured white face.

Despite the fact that it would be hard for anyone to follow in the footsteps of Carmen, probably the ugliest woman in Kensington, Fionnuala could almost feel the ghosts of her fugly ancestors whispering derisively behind her back as they swarmed around animating the dining room set every night. She wasn’t supposed to be the Pugsley carrying on the family name; her parents had always counted on Fergal to carry the torch, and she had been merely an afterthought in their lives. Fionnuala was sure her parents were sorely disappointed that she, the spare, was destined to be the one who gave them grandchildren when she was so much less ugly than Fergal had been. As a Sim who could pass for a fairly attractive woman with the right hair and makeup, Fionnuala was determined to make the most of the cruel hand dealt her by fate.

The first order of business was to get out of the house. Overshadowed by her truly simian parents, Fionnuala’s “pretty duckling” status in the family was almost overwhelming. She needed to escape to somewhere where her true ugliness could come out and be appreciated. In a perhaps misguided flash of brilliance, Fionnuala decided she would work hard to finish her studies early and head off to Sim State, where the pretty faces of the trendy college kids would at last cast her in the properly homely light. Or would they?

A Knowledge Sim like her mother, Fionnuala easily studied enough to get several scholarships to college. She packed her bags and caught the taxi to the Sim State campus. Free at last! Taking a spot in one of the dorms on campus, Fionnuala settled easily into college life. She was secretly thrilled that all the students in her dorm were a fair bit more attractive than she was, leaving her with a certain smug satisfaction that at last she was the eyeful of ugly she’d always wanted to be. That is, until she met Andrew.

Andrew Baena was a sight to behold. Fionnuala met him at a coffeehouse on campus, and she was immediately drawn to his fat face, broad flat nose, protruding lips, and shaggy, unkempt hairdo. Fionnuala was afraid Andrew could never take notice of someone as inoffensive-looking as she, but she was pleasantly surprised when he struck up a conversation, and soon they were close friends. It was in front of her dorm one evening that they became more than friends, as a bit of flirting and kissing cemented the crush that had grown between them. Fionnuala was bursting with pride at the chance to redeem herself to her family by bringing home the dashing Andrew. Carmen and Michaiah would be so proud!

As the days went on, Fionnuala was still glowing with the joy of her perfect boyfriend, but in the back of her mind, the thrill had receded to reveal a tiny glimmer of doubt. Would Carmen and Michaiah really approve of Andrew? Would they think he was good enough? After all, there was something about him…he looked so much like her own family. Was that actually why she was drawn to him? Would he really be ugly enough for them after all? If Fionnuala were to someday have a family with Andrew, would their children be more of the same, a parade of tots that were only as ugly as Fionnuala herself, not enough to redeem her in the eyes of her ugly parents? Fionnuala was ashamed to admit that the thought began to worry her. In fact, it began to consume her.

Another guy around her dorm, Colby Nott, was a friend of Andrew’s–they were both in the secret Landgraab Society together, something Fionnuala wasn’t supposed to know about–and Fionnuala was good friends with Colby herself.

As she began to have doubts about her future with Andrew, she found herself confiding in her friend more and more. She talked in broad, general terms, careful not to bring her actual relationship into the conversation lest it leak back to Andrew, but she vented to Colby about her feelings of inadequacy in her supremely ugly family and her fears that the underlying disappointment she felt from her parents would be magnified if she passed her unfortunate good looks to her children. Colby was so kind and understanding that Fionnuala suddenly found herself looking at his wide jaw and pushed-in mouth through new eyes. With her nose perched above it, that jaw could be…magic. Fionnuala’s heart jumped. She stopped Colby mid-sentence with a kiss.

Fionnuala knew that Andrew could never find out about her feelings for Colby. But how could she choose between them? It was then that Fionnuala, almost deranged with desperation for her family’s approval, came up with a radical idea. Once and for all, it would give her the best chance of proving to her parents that she could give them the ugly grandchild that would do the family proud. She packed her things and moved out of her dorm into the one that Andrew lived in. She had to stay close to him while she fleshed out her plan.

It was hard to keep up her relationships with Andrew and Colby without exposing her infidelity, but the problem soon multiplied when Fionnuala met another student in Andrew’s dorm who threatened to carry her heart away.

Venkat Go’s large, pear-shaped face reminded her of Andrew’s, but something about his scowling brow and pushed-in, bulbous nose was even more appealing. Fionnuala was determined to woo him, no small feat considering that Andrew was around every corner and the only thing she and Venkat could talk about without dissolving into arguments was culture. Day after day, Fionnuala yammered away about the relative merits of Simheim’s musicals in comparison to Rodgers & Simmerstein’s, the role of operagoing in modern life, and the skyrocketing cost of museum tickets until she had thoroughly charmed the tough Venkat and was ready to make her move. It was around this time that she started having serious second thoughts about her life goal of pursuing knowledge. Her goal had become something very different–she wasn’t sure if it was the conquest of romance or the pull of popularity, but ultimately she realized that it all came down to satisfying and carrying on her family. After she had made that decision, it seemed as plain as day that she had made the right choice in light of her current plans.

With Venkat now under her spell, Fionnuala found it was almost an addiction to drop by the coffeehouse in the evenings and turn on the charm for the ugliest men. Soon she was cultivating a romance with Clay Nanale, a guy too attractive for Fionnuala to bother with if not for his tremendously long nose, as well as with Ray Shaw, a singularly unattractive Sim with a tantalizingly long hooked nose and frowning mouth.

At this rate, it was getting difficult to maintain her cover to so many paramours. Fionnuala saved up the cash from her semester grants and moved into a small rental house near campus, where she could invite each of her lovers over in turn with no one the wiser. Soon she was riding high on a perfect relationship with each of her five boyfriends, and all she could think of was how much she wished she could get engaged to all of them so that she could further her cunning plan.

Fionnuala managed to keep up perfect grades along with her perfect loves, managing to graduate with a 4.0 GPA in what seemed like hardly any time at all. As she packed her bags and moved back to Kensington, she knew one thing: even if her parents were still harboring doubts about her future as an heir, and, in fact, even if they were sitting and playing chess exactly as she had left them eight semesters ago as if no time had passed at all, things were different now. In time she would show them just how different.